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Saturday, April 6, 2013

if shiny, if shamelessly, no between.

6/4/12013

dreamed of python. and my teacher helped me. ^ in dawn dreamed deeply my passed dad, God in Heaven now, help me fight python, mostly encouraged me less panic when the snake closely entangled me. then dreamed one of my Junior middle school Chinese teacher, whose name evades me now, helped me out of insane after a lecture or large party among scattering large crowd. he used self-studied massage, mind-guiding Chinese Qigong and other means to drive away madness from me till I felt my brain calmed down. my kid brother aside cheering up. Its likely a sunny morning. yesterday I again had to yell to son's mom, a cheap bitch, for her too close approaching and self-arrogant. when I brought my son dine out, a cop or self-claimed cop, approached us and tried hard to persuade me leave my current place to my hometown, intimidated me "bad folks here". God, breaking sinful PRC gathering cowards threatening us. dad, I told my son why I didn't biased blessing between him and my 3rd son to come, or among my offspring. God, bring me sooner my Royal China, bring me my people to God's shine.

2/4/12013

dreamed of a smart bureaucrat. ^this weekend with son resumed progress among our old games, including "borderlands 2", which let me happy. son, warrenzh, got his first bath towel after I felt my itching lower legs possible infectious. last dusk I bought him a bottle haws juice for I myself thirsty after napped in sunshine on canteen bed. He tried some but mostly swallowed by me with his permission. a lengthy dream in dawn in which I assured a bureaucrat to support me. the man married with a girl from Zhudajiu, my passed dad's hometown village where all inhabitants are offspring of same ancestor, Zhudajiu, and a girl of my passed eldest sister's friend. he worked as educational administrator. he managed to arrange me and his nephew studied in a junior middle school near his house and treated us in weekends on way we passing his village and returning to Zhudajiu. the meal usually rich than my family could offer. my eldest sister committed suicide during the period when I studied in the school, where for its near my sister's family, I sometimes visited my sister to enjoy my sister's husband's factory canteen's delicious food and even asked for money. one time my eldest sister refuted me, I hided in the house of my only classmate from the village and cried miserably when my sister fetched me and telling villagers around why she refuted me. I finally got money from my sister and that time clearly aroused my son-alike love with my sister, soon before she jumped into Yangtze River in dawn after dispute with her husband and never returned. the bureaucrat later moved to Wuxue, the county capital, and transit his business into a company under his control. when I first time trapped by asylum for unbearable losing love with a tall girl collegian, my sinful 2nd elder brother, who cheated me to sent me into the poor hospital, led me to visit the man for help find a job after I finished therapy. once visited the man in his office, where his akin nephew just graduated also there asked to be jobbed. second my 2nd elder brother brought me visit his house in a hot summer noon while he just showered at home. the man denied us twice. in this dawn dream he entertained himself in Zhudajiu in crowd in the foremost front house, of a family whose father a worker class in town. I persuade him vote for me or loan me earnestly. he finally retreated to inner house for dinner or what, left me alone. I felt the man smarter than usual people under sinful PRC in its recent hard history. I likely failed to won over persons in cozy niches in current delusive social buildup but I worked hard and earnestly. God, challenges thick ahead, results previous and predetermined, like Gospels. God, save me from trifle, cover me from meaningless. Dad, God, bring me sooner my Royal China to complement my growing life so far in spectacular. God, I love love in commitment and offspring in sanity, God, dad, promise me like sunshine outside.
lunch is rich for me. I ordered fishes but got dried Tofu for fishes sold out, in my witness 3 dishes sold. I ate carefully and satisfied. in afternoon nap I dreamed my nephew, only son of my eldest sister, who now a small entrepreneur in Hubei, central China, carried his girlfriend with his bike proudly ahead our old family after his mother left them to my parents, on a bank of a large lake. one of my colleagues in QRRS, a Wu in maiden name and married a man in family name Liu, also appeared in dream. our concern later all turned fishing, bait, so on. then my abdomen painful likes token a hook. I changed poise to comfort myself before woke up by pains in stomach. I poo watery, and that likely worked, so I blogged here now peacefully. God, thx for ur assurance; dad, in this pale afternoon I saw hope clearly in sky.

28/3/12013

visited son in blizzard. ^ since last week, son warrenzh learned to stay in the neighbor's house to play with their son, a boy elder than him, after school hours. this night he even ate dinner in the neighbor. I visited him in dusk for his recent cold. I stayed in dorm in Tuesday for web assets, knowing his cold but took granted that he would recover soon. but he didn't, but was kept indoor by cold for second day, away from school. the all day is dark and started to snow near dusk. I buzzed him after settled my computer, knowing my ignorance upon his suffering. Tuesday dusk I launched to visit him. I bought him KFC but still he liked to stay lately in the neighbor's house before I got his companion. I read on his kindle in his mom's house and enjoyed. after waited 2 hours my son returned, upon his mom's 3rd call. his mom arranged him to write homework arbitrarily, left my son loathly away from video game "doom 3" I prepared for us. I left near 8pm, in blizzard lasting. the white world blesses me much, after 2 days clouds. this dawn I dreamed trying grasp economics by self-studies, in aim to teach my son and also my cabinet. I dreamed being in Nankai Univ. Its a wonderful sunny morning now. God, testify my dream comes true, bring me sooner my Royal China to home my son, warrenzh, and more offspring of us arriving.
in afternoon nap, I dreamed in a van with my Nankai alumni, includes Cuiweidong, who visited me last month, and Chengchao, the guy in Wuhan and from the same town of mine, Wuxue. We were from our experiment base outside of Tianjin. they slept around my berth on way, dreamed to mimic me, including my madness. I was very worried about my future possible family, living alone with my madness history in the nap. Its likely the noisy in the dorm drove me looking to my madness history's shadowy influence upon my chances gloomy closer to girls qualify. after wake up I retrospect my campus lower berth alumnus, Xiaojindong, who already committed suicide years ago, torn his diploma like what I did in my first madness in Nankai Univ. back to 1999. I saw somebodies born to die, born to leave the world, for the world edging their living space step by step, like fish out of water, like goat deserted on salty inland. I saw madness not mad as usual, but rational, but in Holy Spirit ignores gaps over death trap. I saw faith struggles on the earth on widest stage with lives. I saw dangers smothering my new Royal China from sinful PRC around. God, here is the laugh to my anxious in the sunshine on my bed now. God, echo is sunny air soothing the praying.

25/3/2013

dreamed of my once workplace. ^ In dawn dream my once workplace, a manufacture company's cable TV, where office politics thick upon new department reorganization. I bow to nobody among buying leaders. then my long time monitor invited me to work in his group which just equipped with new studio system. the OS incudes animation/movie part which turns out to let me pilot jet. I performed system check by flying highly&shooting down targets under pressure in its debut and found err. I concluded virus or configuration mistakes likely the cause, while as whole the os works well &advanced. the monitor, my long time work pal but finally broke up unhappily in real life for dispute after constrained careers ladder extension, risked to adopt me but rewarded by my indispensable in the dream. last Sunday I yelled to my son when he shown clumsiness in a pc strategy video game. He too proud to learn from others, so I told him as his father I had to mend his less smart behavior. then He refuted my days planned schedule, not to show in public bathroom with me in the afternoon. I had to delayed to next week to have haircut together and buy him a bath mop in aim to protect him from been infected by my skin virus which let my lower leg itchy for years. we also these days less engaged in video games, esp shooting game or FPS. but our weekly lunch in a nearby restaurant was perfect, with a tall waitress inspired me. God, bring me sooner my Royal China, bring my girls in our new family! thx, God dad.

From 2013 in gaze
From 2013 in gaze
From 2013 in gaze
From 2013 in gaze